It all started when Chris made fun of JC's love for museums and art in an interview. JC usually didn't get angry, but this time, he snapped at Chris, "What do you think you're doing, man, ragging on me for liking museums." He'd turned away, calling Chris an uncultured moron.

Chris felt his stomach crunch into a small ball. He didn't like it when JC was mad. None of them did, and it didn't help that he knew he deserved it. Of course he didn't apologize, only laughed. "Come back on down to earth, Jayce. You're getting too snooty for us."

JC walked back, a tiny smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I'm too snooty?"

Chris nodded.

JC shrugged. "We'll see."

The small ball of anxiety grew bigger. JC wasn't scary, exactly, but when he got pissed off, he got creative. Chris sighed and made a mental note to tease Justin or Lance in their next few interviews.

Two days later, Chris had forgotten all about the small tiff he'd had with JC. It seemed to have melted away without leaving any fallout. JC was chilly for a while, but then he'd curled up next to Chris while they watched movies, and Chris relaxed and threaded his fingers through the puffs of loose curls and kissed his forehead.

There was a box waiting for him at the next hotel, wrapped in plain brown paper. It was from Essentials, Inc, and Chris knew that he hadn't ordered anything in a while. They didn't get fan mail directly, and security wouldn't let it slip through, especially in the light of recent mail problems.

He shook the box, listening to something thud inside it. Shrugging, he tucked the box under his arm and headed to his room. He'd just found his little pocketknife, and was ready to slit the paper open, when JC and Joey walked in.

"Whatcha got there, Chris?" JC sounded a little too cheery. Chris froze as he opened the box, halfway expecting puffy coiled fake snakes to spring out of the box, but instead there was Styrofoam packing peanuts and a box with a printed giftcard.

He opened the gift card. It was pale pink with a border of flowers on it and felt sort of soft, like it was really expensive paper. He squinted at the text, muttering it out loud. "Shove it up your ass. With love from... JC?" He turned to JC, jerking in surprise when he saw the small, slightly evil smile.

He pulled the small box out of the packing container. It was a raspberry colored dildo, just a little too big for what he could imagine comfort would be, molded to be anatomically correct. He swiveled, slowly facing JC, his eyes open wide with shock, and JC was laughing.

"Guess I'm not so snooty, huh. You shoulda seen your face." JC was still snickering, but the strange, almost evil look was gone from his face and Chris sighed in relief.

Joey was grabbing for the catalogue, "Dude. These are the funniest things." He thought. "I owe Justin one for that crack about sports." He started paging through the men's only section.

Chris never did ask Joey what he'd finally sent Justin, but he figured that it must have been something good, when the same sort of unobtrusive brown box was waiting for Justin the two days later. Justin picked up the package with a happy smile. He loved presents of any kind, and he started toying with a corner of the wrapping.

Chris hoped that he packaging would hold firm until Justin made it to his room. He could just see the headlines. He leaned in to whisper to Joey, "Musta been good for you to spring for next day shipping."

"You'll see. Just wait for the screams and yelling."

Chris and Joey stood outside the door to Chris's room. Sure enough, there was a high pitched sort of wail that emanated from Justin's room and the door was flung open. Justin stepped out in the hallway, and immediately focused on Joey, marching down the hallway with a murderous look on his face.

"I. Do. Not. Need. A. Fake." Each word was punctuated with a hard jab to Joey's chest, and Justin trailed off, shaking his head in shock. "You're such a pervert,dude." And Chris thought that maybe Justin sounded a little admiring then, but all he could really hear was Joey laughing.

"Hey. I figured if you weren't getting it from Brit, at least you could have some Jenna Jameson fake poontang."

Chris gulped air and laughed until he slid down the wall of the hotel hallway. "Joey. You did not just say poontang. You just didn't."

Joey nodded happily and smiled at Justin, who'd finally joined in the laughter, and was clutching at the box and shaking his head, looking at the fake pubic hair and howling. He picked up the small and colorful catalogue, and a scheming look passed over his face.

Chris poked Justin. "Don't even think about it, fucker. I already got me a pretty pink dildo."

"I don't want to send you sex toys, pervert. I'm gonna get some serious bang for my buck, yo." He wandered away flipping pages, with the disembodied naughty bits tucked neatly under his armpit.

JC was walking along talking to Chris, when they saw Lance pick up a brown box from the hotel front desk. There was a serious look on his face, and he was examining the package intently. Chris's mouth dropped open when he saw Lance beckon to Lonnie.

JC stopped short in the middle of a sentence, as he watched Lonnie walk away the large brown box. "Chris, man, who sent Lance what?"

Chris shook his head. "Jup did it, but he never told us what he sent." He watched Lance hurry toward them, with a sick foreboding.

"Guys. Did you hear anything more about tainted packages? I got a suspicious one. Lonnie's checking it out, and he'll send it for testing if need be." Lance almost vibrated with tension, and Chris just leaned against JC, waiting for Lonnie to come back.

There wasn't much of a wait. Lonnie was usually impassive, immune to everything, rarely cracking much more than a smile, but Chris watched Lonnie walk out of the back room with a full fledged, delighted smile. He was carrying the package, which he'd obviously hastily rewrapped.

Lance accepted the package, asking Lonnie "It's okay? Not dangerous?"

Lonnie looked as if he were about to fall to the floor giggling, and Chris made a mental note to give him something really amusing for Christmas. "Well, it's harmless, but I dunno about being dangerous." Lance grabbed the package and watched Lonnie walk away, his back shaking suspiciously.

When Lance started to unwrap the package in the middle of the lobby, Chris grabbed one arm and JC the other and hustled Lance onto the elevator. Chris craned his neck, looking for Justin. "J's gonna be so disappointed, dude."

JC giggled, and Lance was busily unwrapping as the elevator doors clanged shut. When he finally unveiled an anatomically correct representation of a man's arm ending in a fist, he just cocked his head to the side and opened the box, pulling it out.

"Huh."

JC and Chris stared at him in horror, waiting for the light to dawn. Lance looked at the box, considered the object and finally he dropped both of them, watching as they clattered to the floor.

"Um. Guys?"

JC and Chris nodded in unison.

"Justin's a sick fuck."

JC and Chris nodded in unison.

Lance picked up the catalogue and started paging through it. "Wonder if Joey would want anything." His face turned slightly pink. JC and Chris looked away.

Chris snagged an extra catalogue and started paging through it, looking at JC out of the corner of his eye.

Chris thought that it was unfair that JC started the whole sex toys extravaganza and got away scot free, so it seemed only right that he be sent a bottle of Kama Sutra massage oil with a card saying only 'digital, digital getdown'.

He wasn't prepared for JC's happy bounce when he saw the small brown package addressed to him. He ripped it open on the elevator up to their rooms, peeking into the top of the box like a little boy on Christmas, and chortling happily when he extracted the massage oil, and read the note.

One moment Chris was leaning against the wall, and the next he had an armful of giggling JC. He wasn't prepared for the quick kiss to his cheek and the whispered "Thanks so much, Chris."

Of course, he wasn't really ready for Joey to look over and go, "Lance! They got the oil too!"

Chris wrinkled his forehead. "More info than I needed, guys." He watched as Lance actually giggled, and Justin just stared. "Y'know, we're all sick fucks."

No one had a response to that.

Chris didn't really think about the sex toys, but if he had, he'd have figured that it was just another of their ongoing ploys to find distraction and amusement. He have thought it was over, everyone had gotten something funny and that would sort of be that.

One night, though, not more than a week later, he'd gone to bed early, tired of the swaying motion of the bus and of the playstation and the television, and just sort of ready to be back in a hotel with a city's worth of distractions to amuse him. He'd been sound asleep for a while when JC woke him up by tapping on his arm.

He came awake to "Chris, Chris, Chris!" and opened his eyes to JC, who was hovering above him. He blinked. JC seemed softer than usual, his eyes heavy lidded and his skin almost glowing, sheened with just a little bit of sweat.

"Dude. Thank you so much! That oil is just lovely." And JC leaned down and brushed a kiss across the corner of his mouth, turning away and swaying back across the aisle to his bunk. Chris watched him go, mouth slack in shock.

He didn't sleep again for a while, unwillingly picturing JC pouring the oil into his hands, warming it between his palms. He told himself that he wasn't wondering what JC thought of when he came. Still, when he sniffed the air, he thought that maybe he could smell sex.

When he had JC's exuberance to remind him, it seemed only natural for Chris to be paging through the small catalogue, and if he wasn't looking for something goofy anymore, it was easily explained. He was making it up to JC, for all the funny little remarks that maybe weren't quite as funny as he wanted them to be.

Even if it seemed like deja vu, another elevator, another excited JC in his arms, Chris thought that he was pleased. JC kept letting out small, excited "eeps" when he saw the small, specially angled dildo. This one was flesh colored, unobtrusive, and it should have been weird, watching JC practically run to his room.

He told himself that it wasn't strange at all that he bought one of his best friends a sex toy for real, and it was perfectly normal that JC apparently had every intention of using it, in fact seemed eager to do so. And he wasn't even picturing it, because that would be even more wrong than touching himself and thinking of the massage oil dripping over JC's hands.

An hour later, the phone rang, and it was JC on the phone. "Come over for a minute?"

Chris hung up the phone and used his keycard to get into JC's room. He was sprawled out on his bed. There was nothing to show what he'd obviously just done, but the sleepily satisfied look on his face. He patted the bed and Chris sat, perching on the edge, numb and almost uncomfortable.

"Um, C. It's one thing to picture you using that, and another entirely, to see the aftermath." Chris fidgeted, and JC scooted to an upright position. He told himself that he wasn't watching for the little wince. "And it's not like I was really picturing it or anything."

JC kissed him then, not a sweet soft thank-you kiss, but something real and hot and almost vibrating. Chris smiled against his mouth, pulling back and grinning at JC.

"You really used it?"

JC nodded, eyes slipping back to half mast. Chris felt like a very expensive dinner when JC licked his lips and tilted his head. "You can watch, you know, if you'd like."

And Chris nodded, idly wondering about honey dust and whether JC tasted as sweet as he looked.

~end~.