Justin paid the Caffino window girl for his mocha and sped off before she could ask for an autograph. He was in a bad mood and glad for the existence of coffee kiosks so that he didn't have to get out of his car and face crowds in person.

He tried to sip at his drink and winced when he burned his tongue. Perfect, just perfect. His day officially sucked now. He carefully set the cup in a cup holder so that it wouldn't have a chance to burn him again and cranked up the radio.

Grinding chords poured out of his custom speakers and he rolled his window back down, feeling obnoxious. At a stoplight, the family in the Outback station wagon next to him all peered curiously in his direction. He slouched further in his seat but didn't lower the volume. He wondered, briefly, what he looked like to them. A shaved-head punk in sunglasses and a tank top, blasting loud music and pouting. His grandmother would be so proud.

But somehow, he couldn't shake the feeling that he had a right to his bad mood. Bad things had happened, lately. What sort of person would he be if he went around all giddy even when he was busy trying to piece parts of his life back together? He had tried to ask his mother about this, without going into too much detail because there was still a lot she didn't know and boy, did he not want to deal with that right now. But she had reminded him that one of the main things that set humans apart from animals was their ability to react intelligently to emotions. He settled back into his seat and carefully steered his way into Joey's housing development, feeling smug again in his gloomy mood.

He pulled into Joey's driveway and waited until the Stain'd song finished before cutting off the engine. He grabbed his mocha, even though he was no longer in the mood to drink it, and the package he had brought for Joey and hopped out of the car.

Using his key, he unlocked the door and shouted, "Joey? Joey, man, I'm here!"

"In Brianna's room, J!" Joey called back. "Be right out!"

Justin went into the kitchen and set down his things before opening the fridge and pulling out bagels and salmon spread.

Suddenly, he felt a warm palm settle onto his lower back and he jumped before registering Joey's presence.

"Hungry much?" Joey asked, sounding amused.

Justin grunted and looked at the bagels, spread, mocha and the box he had brought in for Joey all scattered around the counter before shrugging. "Haven't eaten since yesterday morning."

"Ah," Joey replied and started rubbing up and down Justin's back. "Rough night?"

Justin had started to cut into a bagel when Joey spoke and he felt his bad mood flare. His night last night had been beyond rough. He had hardly slept and still felt bitter, hurt, ashamed, furious and guilty. He tossed the knife down with a touch of residual anger and Joey stepped away from him. "You have no idea, man. No idea." Justin heaved a deep breath and picked the knife back up to finish fixing his bagel, trying to ignore Joey for the moment.

Joey studied him for a second before turning away. "Eat your bagel. It'll help you feel better."

Realizing how he was acting and that Joey probably did have an idea of what he was going through, Justin tried to back track. "Joey, I--"

Joey held up a hand. "Eat first. Talk later."

Justin ducked his head and quickly finished with his bagel before slouching over to the table. Joey moved to start cleaning up his mess and Justin remembered one of the reasons he was here. "I got the stuff I promised you. It's in the box." He bit into his food trying to avoid looking at Joey. "And you can have the mocha, too. I don't want it."

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Joey quickly reach for the box with eager hands. "What's wrong with your mocha?" he asked, pausing with one hand resting on the cardboard.

Justin scowled. "It's evil, man. It burned me."

In spite of everything, Joey laughed. "An evil mocha, huh? Does it need to be, like, slayed or something? I can do that for you." He picked up the cup and waved it in Justin's direction.

Justin felt his lips twitch. "Go for it, Buffy." He took another bite and saw Joey take a swig of his drink.

"Ah, caffeine. Tastes like heaven to me."

Justin shrugged and smiled at his plate. "I guess getting burned was just another thing gone wrong today."

Joey picked up the box and coffee cup and settled across from Justin at the table. "Yeah?" he asked in his best 'Frasier,' "I'm listening," voice.

Justin crumpled up a napkin and tossed it down next to his plate. "Yeah. Do you want to know what some fucker did to me? He stole my fucking flag. My flag!"

"You're shitting me?" Joey asked with wide eyes.

"No, I'm not. I come out of my house this morning and it's just...gone. Asshole thief actually stole another person's flag. I'm just...so pissed."

"I don't blame you. That's just messed up. Did you call the cops?"

"Joey!" Justin shot his friend a withering glare. "Come on. It's messed up, yeah, and I'm pissed as hell, but it's still just a flag."

Justin watched as the part of Joey's cheeks above his beard line flushed a little. "Yeah, I guess so. I'm just shocked, I guess. Tryin' to help."

"Thanks." Justin nodded and blushed a little himself when Joey reached over and squeezed his hand. "I just wish that everybody had learned something after what happened with the terrorist attacks and all. My own life is all screwed up, but I gotta tell you, I've never spent so much time thinking before I act. It's like, I'm running around permanently pissed off, but I'm still trying hard not to be a total asshole all the time."

"Just some of the time?"

Justin bit his lip. "Yeah, some of the time."

Justin finished off his bagel as Joey watched. He sighed and settled back in his chair.

"Want to tell me what happened now, or should I just guess?"

Justin raised his eyebrows at his friend but didn't deny him.

Joey studied him for a second before making a face of exaggerated concentration. He pressed his fingertips to his temples and spoke in a funny voice, "The great and wonderful Fatoni will use his magnificent powers to deduct what is ailing you. Ah, yes. I see it now. Your problem, it is...small...it is small and blonde, yes, almost...plasticy in appearance." Justin giggled and Joey squeezed his eyes shut even more and hummed. "Ah, I have it...a name is coming to me through the mists. I can make out a 'B'...hmm...Barbie? No, I know! It is Britney! Yes, that is your problem!" He dropped his hands and looked over at Justin who was having trouble controlling his laughter.

"Joey!" Justin gasped. "Oh man, you're bad."

Joey held out a hand and studied his nails. "I try," he said modestly. "But am I right?"

Justin sighed and propped his head up with a hand. "Yeah. I guess. She's really having trouble with all this, you know?"

Joey's face smoothed out and he looked into Justin's eyes. "I know," he said gravely. "It's not your fault that your timing sucks."

Justin scowled. "No kidding. I still can't believe that the day after I come out of the closet to my ex-girlfriend that some evil assholes decide to attack our country. I swear, she still cries, like, almost every day. It's too much." Justin lifted his head and started chewing on his thumbnail.

Joey reached over and pulled his hand away from his mouth. "Justin," he said softly.

Justin blinked up at Joey and didn't pull away. "I tried to make it easier on her, Joe, I swear. I never wanted her to find out. Ever." He started blinking faster. "But...but..." he sniffed and Joey gripped his hand harder. "And I took her on vacation to try and make it up to her and we were starting to have fun together again, a little bit, and then...shit." He jumped out of his chair and grabbed at the box of Kleenex on the counter.

Joey stood up and wrapped an arm around Justin's broad shoulders.

Justin sniffed and continued. "When those kids broke into our house while we were out there, do you know what they stole, Joey? That tape. You know." Joey's head snapped up. "Yeah, that one." He took a deep breath and blew his nose. "Christ. The little fuckers. The whole trip was ruined after that."

Joey turned Justin until they were facing each other again and stared at him intensely. "I can't believe you didn't tell me, J. Man, what if...you got it back though, right? You said you got everything back."

"Yeah, the police got it back, I swear. That's why I didn't say anything. And, I'm...sorry. I haven't even told the other guys that either. And then, of course, we had to check all the tapes to make sure and Brit...she saw." Justin took a shuddering breath.

"Oh, fuck."

Justin rubbed his face with one hand and then leaned his head against Joey's shoulder. "I really don't think she was ready to see a video of me and Lance kissing. I still can't believe your asshole brother filmed that." Joey snorted. "And then, when she calmed down she wouldn't believe me when I said I was drunk at the time. We were still together back then and she saw the date on the tape so she knows about that, too. And then, last night she came over and wouldn't believe me when I said it was just the one time that it happened. She's convinced that I was cheating on her the whole time we were together and that I've fucked all of you by now. We fought for hours." Justin sighed and rubbed his cheek against Joey's shoulder. "I really didn't want to try to explain that none of y'all turn me on at all. Um, except maybe..." Justin blushed furiously and tried to pull away.

Joey wouldn't let him and instead pulled him closer and wrapped his other arm around Justin in a snug embrace. "'S ok, J. I already told you how I feel." Justin sniffed again and tried to bury his face against Joey's shoulder. Joey petted the soft spikes of hair that brushed his cheek and repeated, "It's ok."

Justin turned his head enough so that he would be free to speak and said, "It's just...I really honestly never wanted Brit to find out. I never thought she'd need to. But..."

"You can't hide forever. She's still your friend."

"But that's even more of a reason that I never wanted to hurt her."

"But you were lying--"

Justin cut Joey off by yanking himself out of Joey's arms and stalking a few feet away. He slapped an open palm down on the counter before yelling, "I never wanted anything to change, don't you get that? Why does it have to change?" He was crying again.

"Oh, Justin," Joey sighed. He scratched at his beard before picking up the box of Kleenex and walking over to his friend. He plucked one out of the box and handed it to the sobbing man. "You're such a sweet guy. Some days I love you so much that I want to fall all over myself making you happy for the rest of your life. In fact, if you decide someday to let me love you and that you really do love me back, I swear that I will do my best to make that happen." Joey picked out another Kleenex and started wiping softly at Justin's cheeks. "But you know what? You're going to make both our lives a lot harder if you're going to run around acting stupid like this all the time."

Justin pulled away from Joey again in shock. What? Stupid? How dare Joey? And there Joey was, standing with hands on hips looking at him in fond amusement. What the hell? "What the hell?" he said loudly.

"Come on, Justin. Listen to what you're saying for a minute. You want everything to stay the same as it was? Forever?" Justin nodded hesitantly. "Why?"

"Because..." he stopped, suddenly unsure where Joey was taking this. "Because, everything was so good. We were perfect, all of us. I was happy."

Joey tilted his head. "You were dating a girl that you didn't want while hiding in the closet."

"Yeah, but it was ok, you know? I was all right with that. Everyone loved us. Our careers were going great, our families were happy, we were making lots of money and it was...mostly, pretty easy."

"What about the mostly part?"

"Well, obviously...I mean, there's a reason Brit's still a virgin." Justin blushed.

They both laughed and Justin blew his nose again.

When they settled down again, Joey asked, "Justin, do you like me?"

Justin blushed so hard that he felt faint for a moment. He nodded and squeezed his eyes shut.

"And you know that I love you. But right now we're not together. I've never even got to kiss you and you're telling me that you never want that to change."

Justin's eyes flew open. "No! Joey...that's not--"

"I don't know how I should take that."

"It's just--"

"I mean, I love being your friend, so I guess that'll be ok."

"No, no!--"

"Eventually, I may even move on."

Justin put his hands on his hips and glared. Joey's lips were twitching. "Fine! I get it. Tell me what I should do."

Joey rolled his eyes. "This is not about me telling you what to do. I was just wondering if you really thought this all the way through. You seem to feel pretty strongly about it and I just wondered."

Justin leaned one hip against the counter. "Well, ok. But I really don't think you can tell me the way I feel, either."

"And I wouldn't want to."

"I just don't get why I can't control this one part of my life. I have no privacy, no real sense of personal safety; I can't travel without notifying the press corps that follows my every move. I just wanted some balance in my personal relationships, with my friends, my family and all, and now that's all up in the air, too."

Joey nodded and his eyes drifted over to the box that Justin had brought. "Did you get all the things your mom said she had?"

"What?" Justin followed Joey's gaze to the package. "Oh, yeah." He blushed again and Joey quirked an eyebrow at him but he didn't say anything.

"Come on," Joey said and grabbed one of Justin's arms and the box before dragging them both out of the room.

They ended up in Joey's media room with the couches and movie screen-sized tv. Joey opened the box and grinned before pulling out a large Caramello bar. "What's this?"

Justin wouldn't quite meet his gaze but he answered in an off-handed tone. "Oh, that. Yeah, I was at the store and thought you might want that."

"See?" Joey said, and reached over to brush a hand over Justin's cheek. "Sweet."

Justin cleared his throat and was almost a little happy when Joey moved away from him, towards the back of the room where the controls were kept. He wondered what Joey was doing, but figured that his mom had labeled everything in the box pretty well, so Joey should be able to figure it all out.

He heard the machines whir and then the screen brightened before Joey was next to him again. "Have a seat," he said, taking Justin by the hand and leading him to their favorite couch in the middle of the room. Usually, when the other guys were here, they fought like rabid dogs for the prime seat and the losers had to settle for a place off to the side. This time, Joey waited until Justin was settled in the best spot before he flopped down next to him and held up a remote. "Ready?" he asked but pushed the play button before Justin said anything.

The tape started and Justin groaned as he realized that Joey had put in one of the tapes his mom had sent over. "Joey, these are supposed to be for the little movie project you're working on. I don't want to watch us acting like idiots. Seen it all before, thank you very much."

"Shh," Joey hissed. "I'm trying to watch this." He aimed the remote and raised the volume until the room was filled with crowd noises. Justin groaned again as he saw himself, the other guys, and their bevy of crew members waiting around an airport. They were all obviously exhausted and Justin judged with a critical eye that this must be from around late 1996 on one of their early trips to Europe.

They were perched on their bags and equipment, not even in chairs or anything, looking tired, bored and uncomfortable. Chris was off to one side trying to get a guy that Justin remembered used to work their lighting to play hacky sack with him. JC was sleeping on the floor and Lance was leaning by his head, reading. Justin and Joey were slouched against a pillar and it looked like they were talking to each other, though the sound on this tape didn't pick up what they were saying. Justin saw that the younger him on tape was falling asleep, though he looked like he was trying not to. Nothing really happened on the tape for awhile, but Justin noticed that he must have finally given in and fallen asleep. A minute or two later Justin watched as the younger Joey took off the sweatshirt he was wearing and placed it behind the sleeping Justin's head. Justin felt his heart lurch a little.

Joey cleared his throat and hit the fast forward button. "Let's see what else is on here, 'k?"

"No problem," Justin said quickly, his throat feeling scratchy for some reason he didn't examine.

Joey played the tape again when it came to a part where they were giving some sort of outdoor concert, at a festival or something. Justin could tell, even with the poor sound on the tape, that the sound system at that place had sucked. They hardly sounded like themselves at all. The JC on the tape was trying to sing, "Sailing" and Justin winced in belated sympathy for his friend.

"Wow," Joey said. "We sucked."

"Oh, yeah," Justin agreed fervently.

They watched for awhile longer and eventually started giggling about how bad it all was. This tape made it look so miserable, and Justin had hazy memories of shows like this where nothing really went right and the only thing you could do was laugh. Even the crowd looked like they felt sorry for the group. They had started to get a little popular by that time, in Germany and Switzerland at least, so there were lots of people there, but they were obviously apathetic about the terrible-sounding music. Thank goodness it had been quite a while since they had a show anywhere near this bad. Though the recent Mexico City concert hadn't gone particularly well, it had still been a stadium show with the best equipment money could buy.

They watched the concert for a while longer; pointing out to each other things to laugh about before Joey fast-forwarded again. This time he stopped on some scenes of them riding the god-awful bus they used to have back then.

After a few more minutes of footage of the five of them lurching around and trying to get comfortable, Joey stopped the tape and said, "So, Justin, still wish things were the same?"

"That's not what I meant and you know it! I don't want it to be the same like flying cheap airlines and giving crappy concerts and riding a death-trap bus--"

"Then what?" Joey turned calm, expectant eyes onto Justin.

"I...I...I'm not sure anymore." Justin looked down at his hands and rubbed them against his thighs. "I don't want it to be the same like it was back then, but I guess...I'm afraid of it changing too much, too."

He lifted his head and dared to meet Joey's eyes, only to see Joey nodding like this is what he'd expected all along. Justin could feel his eyes pleading with Joey to tell him that he was wrong. That nothing had to change.

"I can't tell you that everything will be perfect, Justin, but let's think for a second about the way things are, and the way things could be."

"Ok," he said without breaking away from Joey's gaze.

"First, we're friends. NSYNC has always been friends and will always be friends. No matter what," he said firmly.

"No matter what," Justin affirmed.

"Second, we're world famous popstars. This is something that is a definite fact for now, but most certainly won't be forever."

Justin flicked his eyes away and back. "I know."

"Do you? You're famous now. You don't want to mess that up, and neither do I. But someday you won't be and I can almost guarantee that."

"I know."

"I just hope that whatever decision you make won't be because you think it's somehow going to mess with your fame, for now or for the future."

"Joey, I wouldn't--" Justin was desperate for Joey know that. He may be shallow, but he wouldn't ever hurt any of the guys willingly. He really wasn't dumb enough to think that the press would follow him around like this forever. At least, he hoped they wouldn't.

"Ok! Just making sure. Third, and I think this is the most important," he winked. "I love you, Justin. I know I already told you that, but I really hope you take that into consideration when you decide if you want to be with me or not, because I really don't ever see that changing, ever, no matter what. You can count on that even when everything else goes nuts. And it will. And I just want--"

Joey was cut off when Justin suddenly leaned forward and pressed their lips tightly together. He could feel his heart pounding and his thoughts were spinning around and his blood was rushing through his veins. But one thing stood out clearly--Joey loved him. He believed it absolutely and felt the truth of it straight down to his bones.

He finally understood that there were very few things in life that you could have that much faith in.

Watching the tapes of how they used to be and how awful most of the things around them were made the things that were good stand out in sharp relief. Their friendships had always been strong and Joey had always taken care of him. He never wanted to give that up. He wanted to feel it every single day of his life. He wanted to have a chance at taking care of Joey.

And right now, he wanted to kiss Joey more, hopefully for a long, long time.

Joey had frozen under Justin's lips at first, but only for a second. Then, Justin could feel their soft warmth moving sensuously and heard Joey murmuring, "to make you happy," which didn't entirely make sense to Justin, but the vibrations felt divine. It curled Justin's toes. But that was nothing compared to how things heated up when Joey started licking at his lips. Justin opened beneath him and groaned with happy eagerness. Joey's hands came up and rubbed first at his arms and then at his neck. Justin relaxed and let Joey guide the moment.

They kissed for long, hot minutes until Joey finally pulled away and pressed their foreheads together. When their breathing evened out he asked, "Are you sure?"

Justin felt something in his chest crack at the poorly disguised desperation in Joey's voice. "Yes," he said firmly and felt Joey slump a little in relief. "I think I get it now. Well, at least enough to put things into perspective. We're always changing, aren't we? The things around us, at least, the details. But you and me and our friendship, those things will always be there."

"I'll always be here."

"I know." Justin leaned in and pecked Joey's lips. "And Brit, she means a lot to me and I hope that she can change enough to see that I still want her in my life. I just don't want her back."

Joey pulled away enough to grin at Justin. "Better not!"

"Nah. She's not my type. Not nearly hairy enough." They chuckled and Joey leaned in to nip at Justin's ear and then Justin grew serious again. "But I also hope that she understands that I never meant to hurt her. Never."

"She will, Justin, she's a smart girl. Right now she's just a little hurt and probably a lot embarrassed. From a jilted girlfriend's point of view, she turned you gay."

Justin barked out a laugh. "God, not really. I used to wish that she could do it for me."

"I know what you mean!" Joey said with a leer. They laughed again.

Justin touched Joey's cheek and turned his head until their eyes met. "I want to be with you, Joey. I have wanted this for a really long time, but for a lot of reasons, mostly 'cause I'm messed up, I was too afraid." Justin stared into Joey's eyes, loving their warm brown color and the life within them. "I never should have been afraid of anything between us. I never will again. Thank you." His palm stroked the soft hair of Joey's beard and he sighed blissfully.

"No problem!" Joey said happily and then leaned in for another kiss.

Justin closed his eyes and enjoyed it. He loved feeling that the pieces of his life were finally slotting back into place and he loved feeling that Joey had so much to do with making him see that things weren't nearly as bad as he had thought.

And right at this moment he was so incredibly happy that he couldn't even remember ever being in a bad mood.

~end~