No, sir, it is not the carriage but one of the bands from my heart, with which I was forced to bind it up, or it would have broken with grief while you sat as a frog at the bottom of the well.

Chris stared out the window while Justin paced. He knew it was wrong to think of Justin as a kid, but there was no other way. "It's better this way. You know it."

Justin looked at him. "You love me."

Chris nodded and watched Justin's face twist.

"But why?" Justin's voice was low.

Chris rubbed a hand over his face. "When I'm with you, I'm special. It's just not right." The explanation sucked, but he knew it was true. Just like he knew that he'd go back, hooked on the feeling, knew that he'd break Justin one of these days.

Peter Pan

Her voice was so low that at first he could not make out what she said. Then he made it out. She was saying that she thought she could get well again if children believed in fairies.

Chris snorted. "You're telling me you believe in ghosties and beasties and things that go bump in the night?"

JC nodded, staring off into space. He didn't appear to be listening as Chris outlined the many reasons why the existence of supernatural creatures was impossible, ending with "What! You think this is an episode of Buffy?"

JC smiled then, leaned into Chris's space to hug him. Chris breathed deeply, feeling JC's hands gentle and soft when they smoothed across his back. When JC finally spoke, he looked into Chris's eyes. "Sometimes you have to believe before something can be seen."

The Secret Garden

"You must never stop believing in your magic, Colin, for it means believing in yourself."

When On The Line was an accepted flop, when it became obvious that all the publicity and pubescent girls wouldn't save it, Joey worried that Lance was going to crack.

They finished an entire bottle of vodka, and Joey worried about the pinched look on Lance's face. They were drunk when Joey said "Lance, you know it's not you, right? You're amazing."

Lance's smile twisted. "Mom said 'Pride goes before a fall.'"

Joey thought that he saw the skinny, pale kid Lance used to be in this Lance's sick smile, and hugged Lance until he squeaked and laughed for real.

The House at Pooh Corner

"And we must all bring Provisions."
"Bring what?"
"Things to eat."
"Oh!" said Pooh happily. "I thought you said Provisions. I'll go and tell them." And he stumped off.

Joey looked around the park, his hat shading his eyes and covering his face. The sun was hot on his head, and his arms felt warm and heavy. He watched Chris lay out bits of food on a ratty comforter.

He said "What the fuck are we doing here?" thinking that his tone sounded too soft.

Chris smiled up at him, teeth clamped on an asparagus spear wrapped in prosciutto and cream cheese. "I'm wooing you, dumbass." He licked a smear of cheese from the corner of his mouth.

Joey watched Chris's tongue and thought about courtships and their rewards.

Mary Poppins

"The wind was blowing wildly about her, tugging at her skirt, tilting her hat rakishly to one side. But it seemed to Jane and Michael that she did not mind, for she smiled as though she and the wind understood each other."

JC perched in the crook of a tree as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Joey could see his hair blowing in the wind, and his feet dangling. JC looked happy there, comfortable even, but he was far enough up that Joey's heart skipped a beat.

JC saw him calling down, "Come up, Joey. It's so pretty up here, all green and it smells nice too."

Joey clambered up, sure that he wasn't nearly as graceful as JC must have been. It was worth it, when JC threaded their fingers together and pointed at a caterpillar.

Anne of Green Gables

"You're a queer girl, Anne. I heard before that you were queer. But I believe I'm going to like you real well."

JC didn't expect someone who sang the way Lance did, full bodied and rich, to make such soft miserable sounds in his sleep. He whimpered sometimes, and JC knew that he was homesick even his sleep.

It made him sad, that this bright boy, all shining hair and green, green eyes was sad. It wasn't right, and he wanted to help, fix it. One day he opened his arms, face questioning and Lance walked into him like there was nowhere else he'd rather be.

JC held Lance while he slept silently, face tucked trustingly into the crook of JC's shoulder.

Charlotte's Web

"Why did you do all this for me?" he asked. "I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you."

"You have been my friend," replied Charlotte. "That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die... By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heavens knows anyone's life can stand a little of that."

When Justin was a brat, JC loved him harder, as if to make up for not liking him then. He brought Justin his cereal and bought video games that he'd never play, because Justin liked loud violent games.

He watched Justin fuck Lance, then Chris, and sleep alone, the confusion and sorrow written clearly on his face. He loved Justin even then, rubbing his back and petting his hair until he slept.

Justin twisted over and said, "Why are you so nice to me?"

JC said "I love you, J. Always have." Justin kissed him then for the first time.

Good Night Moon

Goodnight stars
Goodnight air
Goodnight noises everywhere

On clear nights, Justin slept like the baby he was.

On rainy nights, things changed and Justin acted like bedtime was a chore. At sixteen, he was too old to be treated like a child, but not too old to act like one. He'd whine, avoid bedtime like he could avoid homesickness that easily.

Lance started reading aloud, books like The Hobbit and A Wrinkle in Time. Justin loved it, begging for more. Lance refused to read except at bedtime, knowing he'd tuck Justin in when he finally slept. He always said "Goodnight Justin" when he snapped off the light.

The Wizard of Oz

"No, I cannot do that," she replied, "but I will give you my kiss, and no one will dare injure a person who has been kissed by the Witch of the North."

They all had meeting with Lou, about their progress and what they needed to fix. Chris noticed that Lance's face looked blotchy sometimes, afterward, his eyes wide and frantic looking.

Chris watched and worried, while Lance got quieter and quieter. He kissed Lance, one night and told him not to worry, that Lou would stop. Lance didn 't believe it, until it was true. Then he said, "Should I be afraid of you?"

Chris hugged him then, and said "No one fucks with what's mine. And you, you're mine now."

Lance nodded firmly and said, "Yes, yes, I think I am."

Velveteen Rabbit

"You were Real to the Boy," the Fairy said, "because he loved you. Now you shall be Real to every one."

After they were famous, Joey missed the Justin who would go out in ratty sweats and a dirty baseball hat. Justin still wore casual clothes, but he looked so expensive that it was difficult for Joey to imagine touching him, like he was a store mannequin or a GQ model.

Joey stopped the bus one day, in the middle of a rainstorm and made Justin get out and play in the rain with him. When Justin was soggy wet and there were smears of mud on his face, Joey could pull him into a hug without worrying about mussing him.

~end~