JC shifted uncomfortably and ate a bite of his sandwich. "Uh, guys?" No one listened, of course. He spoke louder. "Guys?"

When they were all looking at him, he put the sandwich down and started picking it apart, removing shreds of lettuce. "Um. I think I might be gay. Or bi or something." He looked up when he heard the laughter.

Lance was staring at him with an amused look on his face, but Justin, Joey and Chris were holding onto each other and laughing.

"Guys? I mean, I'm glad that no one's cranky about this or anything, but it might be a good idea if you said something supportive instead of, oh, I don't know, laughing at me."

Chris dropped his bag of chips and leaned over to ruffle JC's hair. "It's not a sudden revelation to us, dork."

"No one laughed at me when I said I was bi." Lance sounded petulant, and JC just blinked. "Jayce. No one's gonna care. Not if they didn't care about me"

JC nodded slowly.

JC was happily engrossed in writing his latest song, laptop open and words flowing perfectly onto his computer screen. He tried to ignore the knocking at his door, going silent and still and hoping whoever was there would just give up and go away until he heard Joey and Chris bickering about whether he was in there.

Chris said, "Well, where the fuck do you think he went? Down to the local whorehouse to pick up a cute little toy boy?" and JC gave up all hopes of productivity.

He opened the door just a crack, only to be pushed aside as they all started talking at once.

"Lance? Justin? What's going on here?"

Justin turned, waving a large black video player. "We rented some stuff. Chris thought maybe we weren't being supportive enough, so we rented porn so you can get some jollies."

"Since you're probably not going to be able to run around and like, experiment." Lance shrugged. "I figured I'd bring it over and we could watch it together, but they wanted to see too."

Justin finished hooking up the vcr and turned to Lance. "Yeah, and you owe Lonnie about a thousand bucks for renting this shit."

JC clapped a hand over his mouth. "You sent Lonnie to rent gay porn?"

"Hey, the people who are destined to produce our eventual Behind the Music will be grateful for some real dirt. We just gave Lonnie a blank check to finance his golden years." Joey was smiling wisely and brandishing three black boxes.

JC grabbed the boxes, opening the first one. "Tight Ends, Wide Receivers? I say emphatically no." He could feel his cheeks getting red. "Um. Lonnie picked out 'In Thrust, We Trust'? Cause I'm never going to look him in the face, ever again."

He heard Lance giggling, as he opened the last one. "Um. Crash of the Titans? Okay, um. Yeah. I'll try this one." He read the back of the box. "Check your cholesterol, because you'll get a heavy helping of beefcake from this super sleazy fuckfest..."

"C said fuckfest! I told you it'd be worth watching." Chris sounded too excited for JC's taste, but Lance was looking at him with commiseration, and he brightened a little. They were his friends, and this was the admittedly bizarre way that they showed they cared.

Thirty minutes later, they were all silent. A few random giggles escaped from Justin and Chris as they poked at each other during particularly graphic scenes, but Joey was just staring at the screen in horror.

He finally turned to JC and Lance. "I've decided. You're not allowed to be gay. Unless you're the, uh, giver. That's got to hurt, dude." He looked thoughtful. "I never really thought much about it."

"Well, not really. I mean, no. It doesn't. Not like you'd think it would." Lance seemed capable of speaking for both of them, and JC thought it was better that way, even if he was now picturing Lance getting fucked, and that was just wrong.

JC spoke up, clicking the video off. "Thanks for, you know, everything. But I'm good, really. I don't like this stuff much. It's all rough and shit. And no one really says 'Feed me that man meat, you stud' or even 'Your nut tastes so good'. I don't think."

"Well, if someone came all over my face, I'd probably encourage them to hit my mouth next time." Justin sounded completely sincere, and JC thought that it made the whole experience just seem that much more surreal.

"Porn is bad. I mean. Whether it's drugged out chicks or guys with huge dicks, it's just objectifying and like, a mockery." JC ran his hands through his hair. "I mean, I don't think guys really come all over each others faces, moaning about love juices."

Chris got up. "You're such a fucking girl, man." He grabbed the videos, offering them to Lance. "Want some mockeries?"

Lance took them, smiling at JC. "Sorry it wasn't good for you."

Two days later, they were back on the bus and there was an enormous gift wrapped package on JC's bunk. When he unwrapped it, there were books inside, things like 'Best Gay Erotica 2002' and 'Taboo: the Lure of the Unforbidden.', not to mention two volumes of 'Men on Top' and 'Flesh and the Word' short stories. There was a little note tucked inside the box.

Sorry the movies didn't turn out well. Here's hoping this is less objectifying. If you want to talk about it, you know where I live. L.

JC opened one, flipping through at random. He settled down to read.

He didn't mean to scatter the books all over the bus, but he was easily distracted. The text made it less jarring, somehow, no naked greasy looking bodies rudely penetrating and being penetrated. The words were more abrupt though, and he would put the book down when words like 'tube steak' or 'hot little hole' were mentioned.

It was disturbing the first time he came across Justin and Chris bent over "Gay Erotica 2002", giggling and pointing. It was even more disturbing when Joey picked up one of the 'Men on Top' books, and started chanting outlandish things.

It trickled over into their lives, the way things often did. Chris started leaving notes for Justin that said "Cum over later, and we'll play video games" and once Joey told JC to back his hairy hiney hole up, when he was off his mark at a sound check.

It all started seeming like a terribly bad joke when Justin asked JC, in complete sincerity, if he'd been wadded yet.

"I don't even know what wadded means." JC paused, noting reflexively that the others were staring at him, and Lance looked as if he were ready to jump in with an explanation. "I mean, other than the fact that it's sort of self explanatory."

He slowly turned around, making eye contact with everyone. "Look. I appreciate y'all trying to be supportive, but drop the books, put the damn videos away. Leave me alone, for the love of God."

Things were quieter after that, and Chris started spelling come correctly again.

JC didn't even think about it later, when Joey asked him to switch buses, just saying, "Sure, yeah, no problem" and heading onto the other bus.

Lance was sitting there flipping through a trade magazine. He looked up when JC dropped his bag onto the floor.

"Oh good. You switched." Lance patted the couch, smiling slowly. "I wanted to talk to you, without the freaks around."

JC distractedly noted the sinking feeling in his stomach. "What now, man? Dildos and butt plugs 101?" He flopped down. "Lance. I may not have done much, but I'm old enough to kinda know what's going on. I've gotten blow jobs, fucked chicks. I'm just..."

"Nope. Talked Chris out of stopping at the sex toys store. You're safe." Lance moved a little closer. "Just thought maybe you'd feel like, oh, talking or something."

JC thought that Lance's voice should probably be outlawed, especially when he had just that look in his eye. It started making sense, and he scooted backward. "You're hitting on me? Lance! You can't mean that you want to..."

"You sound like a little girl." Lance giggled, put the magazine down, leaned comfortably into JC's space. "Dude. Don't be a dumbass. I know you don't need to be taught or have me be your oh so knowledgeable instructor."

JC nodded. "Well, yeah."

Lance shrugged. "Fuck, C. It's not like I'm all that experienced, but I know what I like. And I like you. I just thought it might be cool. I mean, I love you, just like I love Joey and Justin and Chris. It's just different, since I can let myself think about the fact that you're hot too."

"You don't think it'd be weird?"

"What isn't weird?"

JC moved closer. "Yeah?"

Lance said, "Yeah" and kissed him.

JC leaned into it, thinking that it was good. When Lance burrowed a hand up under his shirt, licking his neck, it was even better. Later, when they were naked, and Lance was sprawled out under him, saying little nonsense words under his breath while JC tried to suck him, he was glad that it was just like this.

~end~