It Makes Me Ill
by Squickgrrl

~..~

When Chris and Justin first started hanging out together, before they started to bandy about the idea of starting a group, Chris dated a guy named Stuart. Stuart was tall and lanky and had thick purple dreads he kept tied back from his face with a piece of hemp rope. He worked in the coffee shop across from Chris's apartment building and was mellow and quiet, his voice never more than a relaxing murmur, even when Justin puked all over his Birkenstocks after Chris introduced them to one another. Stuart just grinned, shrugging his shoulders and saying, "Hey, man, it's cool. It happens." Justin, who had wanted nothing more than to run into the bathroom and never come out, was incredibly relieved that Chris had such a cool boyfriend and decided that Stuart was a cool guy, even if Justin's insides churned whenever Stuart came near him.

A week later, Chris caught Stuart going down on some girl in the back of the coffee shop. Justin came over that night and listened to Chris vent. Sometime after three in the morning, feeling bitter and vindictive, Chris told Justin to feel free to vomit on anyone who might dick him around in the future. Justin blushed, still embarrassed about the incident, but he nodded solemnly and swore to do so.

"I'll be your...your." Justin closed his eyes, trying to think of the right phrase. After a few moments his head began to tip forward and Chris smacked his shoulder, waking him. "Your Early Warning Asshole Detection System," Justin splurted out. He blinked and yawned, smiling at Chris.

Chris laughed and grabbed a hold of Justin's arm, pulling him up. "Sounds like a plan to me, junior. And," he said as Justin yawned again, "I think it's bedtime for you."

He led Justin to the sofa and Justin flopped down, already more than half asleep. Chris threw a blanket over him, tucking it around him, and turned the light off. As he walked into his bedroom, he heard Justin mumble, "y'can count on me, Chrish." He paused in the doorway and looked back at Justin, who was already snoring softly.

"I know," he said quietly.

Stuart and the conversation that night were forgotten as things started to come together. JC and Joey joined the group and, eventually, Lance when Jason left for beauty school. The next thing they knew they were being sent to Germany, to "see if you have the balls to make it in this business," as Lou told them.

One night in Frankfurt, an unseasonably warm one, they were all sitting at a sidewalk café, watching Chris flirt with a slim, dark-haired guy. After about twenty minutes, he walked back over. "Hey, I'm, uh, I'm gonna split." He looked back over his shoulder at the guy, who grinned and waved. "I'll catch up with you later," he said and almost ran back, wrapping an arm around the other man's shoulders as they headed down the street.

Justin frowned as Joey cracked a remark, only half-listening. His stomach clenched almost painfully as he watched Chris and the guy walk down the street.

The next morning Chris showed up to rehearsal with the guy in tow. "This is Kurt, guys. Um." Chris looked around nervously; they were the only ones in the room, Lou and the choreographer having stepped out to discuss the show that night. "If anyone asks, he's a long-lost cousin."

Joey snorted at that. "Yeah, sure. What, did he run away to join the circus or something?"

"Actually, ja. Something like that." Kurt smiled at Chris and winked, tugging him a little closer, and Justin's stomach rumbled.

"Hungry, Justin?" JC asked.

His stomach rumbled again, but it was more of an unsettled feeling than an empty one. He frowned and sat down, rubbing at his abdomen. "Nah, just. I think I ate something funky."

Kurt and Chris walked over and Justin felt like his stomach was turning itself inside-out. Chris squatted down and lay a hand against Justin's forehead. "You feel kinda clammy. Y'think you're getting sick?"

Justin started shaking his head but then, as Kurt leaned closer to him, he could feel the nausea overtake him. He clamped a hand over his mouth and sprinted towards the trashcan.

"Ugh." Joey winced and grimaced as Justin threw up. "Glad I passed on that omelette this morning." Lance covered his ears to block out the sounds, looking paler than usual, and JC stood by Justin's side, patting his back.

"Maybe I make him nervous?" Kurt asked Chris.

"Nah," Chris replied, glancing at Justin before turning his attention to Kurt. "I'm sure it was something he ate."

Justin was dry-heaving, the sounds echoing in the room, and Chris grimaced.

Chris brought Kurt around a few more times after that, but each time Justin ended up running to the restroom with a hand over his mouth. Finally one night, a few hours after Justin almost emptied his stomach all over their dressing room, Chris sat down on Justin's bed, looking serious.

"You don't have a problem with Kurt do you?"

"What? No, no, man. He's cool. Like, his style's whack, but not as bad as yours." Justin grinned as Chris punched his shoulder.

"Smartass."

"Takes one to know one."

Chris leaned back onto the bed, head resting on his arms. Justin lay his head on Chris's stomach and looked up at him, his expression somewhere between confusion and concern. "But, um, no. I like him. Why?"

Chris shrugged. "No reason. Just, it seems like whenever he comes around, you puke up all over the place."

"huh. I do, don't I?" Justin rolled over onto his stomach and his chin dug into Chris's sternum. "Maybe I'm allergic to, like, his cologne or something. Maybe?"

Chris slid a hand under Justin's chin, his thumb rubbing lightly at the skin under Justin's lip. "Maybe."

One day Chris stormed into rehearsal, waves of black anger rolling from him. JC approached him cautiously, laying a hand gently on Chris's shoulder. When Chris shot him a venomous look JC backed away quickly and hid behind Joey. Nobody else tried speaking to him the rest of the day and rehearsal was eerily quiet. After they were done Chris left much in the same way that he came in and JC breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well," Joey said, "I think he's handling it well."

Lance and Justin shared a puzzled look. "Handling what?" Justin asked.

JC sprawled out on the floor, rubbing his temples. "Chris found out that Kurt's married."

Lance actually gasped, hand raised to his mouth and eyes wide open in shock. Justin would have laughed at him but an intense feeling of euphoria came over him, settling somewhere in his gut.

The door opened before Justin could get a chance to answer the knock and Chris walked in. Justin frowned. "Hey, what if my mom had been getting dressed in here?"

"Then I probably would've been blinded for life," Chris said, ducking quickly as Justin threw a pillow at him. He held up his hands in a time-out gesture as Justin grabbed a second pillow. "Hey, whoa, wait. Before you pillow me to death in your mom's honor, I wanna talk to you."

Justin eyed him warily, clutching the pillow. "Okay, but make it quick. I'm gonna need plenty of time to hide your body before the shoot."

"Okay." Chris sat in the chair next to the bed and leaned forward, fingers steepled in front of his face. "Do you remember Stuart?"

Justin scowled. "The jerk with the purple hair? Yeah."

"Remember the night I broke up with him?"

"Um. Kinda." Justin looked off into the corner, thinking. "I came over and you bitched a lot and considered joining a monastery. And I said that you'd never make it because, yeah, vow of silence? Not a chance."

"Yeah, yeah, but after that. Before we went to sleep. Remember? I said something about you throwing up on any asshole I might date."

Justin had been nodding along slowly and Chris watched as Justin's head paused in mid-nod, eyes growing wide. His head snapped up and he glared at Chris. "You jinxed me!" Chris dove out of the chair as the second pillow came flying at him. He rolled away from the bed and managed to sit up before Justin tackled him and shoved him back onto the floor.

"You asshole! I can't believe you put a curse on me!" Justin yelled as he started smacking Chris. Chris blocked the blows and grabbed Justin's wrists, rolling them over until he was straddling Justin's hips.

"Hey. Hey! Like I thought anything would fucking come of it." Justin struggled underneath him and Chris pinned his arms to his chest. "Fuck, J. Calm the fuck down. I'm sorry, okay?"

"Fuck you, man. You jinxed me."

Chris closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again and looked down, Justin was still glaring at him, eyes dark and flashing, cheeks flushed with anger. "Fine. If I buy you a copy of Twisted Metal, will you forgive me?"

Justin sniffed indignantly and looked away but Chris could feel his body relaxing. "I'll think about it."

Chris sighed and let go of his arms, rolling off of him. "Fine, whatever, man."

Justin sat up and rubbed at his wrists. "Just, like. Keep away from the assholes, okay? My mom's starting to worry about me."

"Yeah, like I was planning on doing that some more." Chris rolled his eyes, grinning when Justin shook his head and smiled at him.

"Hey, guys. I want you to meet Erik."

"um. Excuse me."

"Shit. Justin's not getting sick again, is he?"

"Well, Erik, it was nice meeting you but we've got to get going. Early shoot in the morning."

"We don't have a sh- ow! Chris!"

"Say bye to Erik, JC."

"um, bye?"

It didn't take long for everyone to figure out what was going on, especially after Chris began calling Justin his 'Early Warning Asshole Detection System'. Joey had been absolutely delighted with the idea that Justin had some sort of mysterious superpower and had dragged him out to several clubs before discovering, much to his disappointment, that Justin had no way of knowing if a girl would sleep with Joey or not.

JC thought it was wonderful, too, and had long chats with Justin about training his psychic abilities and how to channel the power of the earth. He bought Justin several books on the subject because Justin had "a gift, and you need to learn to share it with the world, because there are people who are going to need you someday and if you don't know how to help them, you won't be able to."

Justin somehow managed to keep a straight face while JC was telling him all of this. But when JC handed him a crystal -- "To help focus your energy" -- he barely managed to thank him before running out of the room, choking on his laughter.

Lance spent most of the time blinking at Justin and Chris, jumping nervously whenever one of them popped into his room unexpectedly. Chris overheard Lance one night talking to his mom about hexes and when he woke up the next morning and looked in the mirror, there was a spot on his head where the hair was cut shorter than the rest. Lance sat next to him at breakfast and smiled widely and Chris returned it nervously. He rubbed at the shorn spot on his head and decided that he didn't really want to know.

It turned out that Justin's powers were somewhat limited, something they discovered after Chris returned from what he dubbed the worst date in the history of dating.

"I can't believe you let me go with that guy!"

Justin shrugged. "He seemed cool."

"Cool? Do you know what he talked about the whole time? Termites!"

JC looked up from his notebook, interested. "Termites?"

Chris waved his hands around. "Like, their social structure, and eating habits--"

"What do they eat?"

"The fuck if I know, C!" Chris poked Justin in the chest. "You're supposed to keep me from going out with losers."

Justin smacked his hand. "Assholes. I keep you from going out with assholes. It doesn't work if you're the asshole."

Chris went quiet and stared at Justin, his mouth a tight line. JC looked back and forth at the two of them nervously. Then Chris yelled, "I'll show you an asshole!" and sprung on Justin, hands scrambling along Justin's sides, tickling mercilessly as Justin howled.

Joey gave Chris a nudge. "Go ask her out."

"Fuck off, Fatone," Chris hissed. He glanced over his shoulder at the woman that was cast to play his girlfriend. She --Danielle, he thought, her name weaving through his mind-- was talking to Justin, smiling brightly and laughing at something he said. Justin saw him looking and grinned, giving them the thumbs-up. Joey poked Chris again.

"See? It's cool. Go and talk to her."

Chris smacked Joey's hand away. "Look, I'm more than capable of asking someone out on a date. I don't need you or the Boy Wonder helping me out."

Joey smirked and looked past Chris. "Hey, Justin."

Chris spun around to see Justin and Danielle standing behind him. Justin was practically bouncing up and down, a huge grin on his face. He grabbed Joey's arm and led him away, leaving Chris and Danielle alone. She smiled at him, looking somewhat amused and expectant. "Hi."

Chris shoved his hands in his pockets and willed his pulse to slow down, just a little. "Hey."

Justin thought that Dani was possibly the coolest girl to have ever graced the planet, even cooler than Janet Jackson. Because Janet didn't flick him between the eyes and call him a dork, or sneak up behind him and give him noogies, or bring over homemade oatmeal raisin cookies when she visited. And Janet didn't make Chris ridiculously happy, walking around and smiling at everyone like nothing could ever bring him down.

Whenever Justin saw Dani and Chris together, he would stop whatever he was doing and just beam, loving the warm and happy glow that seemed to radiate from them.

One of the roadies had had the flu and Justin ended up catching it. He stayed in bed for three days, trying to fight down the waves of nausea that battered his body. Dani would come over and feed him chicken soup, pressing a damp washcloth to his forehead, cooing at him and calling him 'baby boy'.

After three days of being sick, Justin decided he'd had enough and Chris and Dani came over to take him out golfing. Dani gave him a hug and Justin's vision swam and he leaned against the wall, breaking out into a cold sweat. They carried him back to his bed and Dani rubbed soothing circles into his back while he threw up in the trashcan by his bed.

"Hey. Dani and I are going to that steakhouse, y'know, with the cowskull chandelier. We're gonna stop by and pick you up."

"um, no, man. It's cool. I've got to go, and. My mom needs me to do stuff for her."

"Oh, okay. We'll stop by later tonight then?"

"I don't. I might not be around."

"Well, okay. I'll see you at rehearsal."

"Yeah. See ya."

Chris and Dani were lying in Justin's yard when he came home from his mom's. Dani jumped to her feet and ran over, hugging him fiercely. "Hey! Haven't seen you in forever. You been avoiding me?"

Justin bit down on the inside of his lip and smiled, taking deep breaths through his nose, willing his stomach to settle. "Nah, just been busy, y'know?"

Dani rolled her eyes and shoved him playfully. "You guys. All you ever do is work."

"Someone's gotta support you, woman," Chris said, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. She snorted but leaned back into Chris.

Justin forced a laugh and invited them in. "Put a movie in!" he yelled to Chris as he walked to the bathroom, one hand against the wall to keep him steady. He shut the door, locking it, and looked at his reflection in the mirror. A sheen of sweat covered his brow and he swore he could see the bags forming under his eyes. He wiped at his nose and banged his forehead against the counter.

"fuck."

JC nodded sympathetically, much like Justin thought he would, and fixed a pot of chamomile tea. "It'll help your stomach settle." Justin crossed his arms onto the table and rested his head on them.

"So what? Should I drink tea every time Dani comes around? Shit, this sucks." JC patted his back and Justin closed his eyes. "He loves her. Like, a lot."

JC sipped his tea. "You should, y'know. Maybe tell him still."

"I can't. I just. Fuck. What if I'm just still sick?" Justin wiped at his face with the sleeve of his shirt. JC had the air conditioning on but Justin was still sweating profusely. "I might just be sick, right?" He looked up hopefully at JC, who just smiled and shrugged.

The smell of the tea was strong, flowery and heavy, and Justin felt anything but settled.

Chris poked his head out of the recording booth. "Where's Justin?"

Dani didn't look up from her papers as she said, "Bathroom. He's still not feeling well or something."

Chris watched her thoughtfully for a moment, brow furrowed, then closed the door.

Justin squeezed the pillow over his head tightly but it wasn't enough to block out Chris's voice.

"Christ, Dani, it's not like I don't ever see you." Justin could hear Chris pacing back and forth. "Fine. Whatever." Justin held his breath, waiting for Chris to speak again. When he said, "Yeah, I love you, too," Justin breathed and ignored the knot in his stomach.

Now whenever Chris and Dani were together, there was a tension in the air so palpable that Justin could almost gag on it. His stomach started to ache and his throat was raw from all the dry-heaving. JC kept feeding him tea, telling him he was just worrying himself sick.

"It's completely psychosomatic, man. You think you're going to be sick, so then you are, because you've convinced yourself of it."

And as Chris eyed him suspiciously every time he went to the bathroom, Justin prayed that JC was right.

In the end, it didn't really matter.

Justin banged on Chris's door. "Open up, you fuck!" Dani had called him an hour ago, crying hysterically. He eventually got her calm enough to tell him what had happened, about Chris accusing her of planning to leave him. Justin kicked the door. "You're being a goddamn asshole!"

The door flew open and Justin stepped back quickly, expecting Chris to come lunging at him. But Chris just stood there, staring at him.

"What the fuck do you want?"

Justin looked Chris up and down. He was dressed in a ratty pair of sweatpants and a wifebeater, his hair unkempt and greasy-looking. "You look like shit."

Chris snarled at him. "Fuck you," he said as he shut the door. Justin shot an arm out, holding the door open.

"No, fuck you, Chris. What the hell is going on?"

"You tell me, Kreskin. You're the one puking your guts up around my girlfriend."

Justin froze and looked away from Chris. "I had the flu."

"For three weeks?"

"JC thinks it's psychosomatic."

"JC also thinks it's okay for him to wear a sweater with birds on it in public."

Justin sat down on the couch and rubbed his forehead. He could feel the cold knot in his stomach tightening. "Chris, just call Dani up and say you're sorry for being a dickhead."

Chris sat down in the chair across from Justin and gave a half-hearted shrug. "She would have left eventually anyways."

Justin shut his eyes tightly, trying to control his temper. Once he stopped shaking, he stood up. "Y'know, I only ever got sick around the assholes." When Chris didn't say anything, Justin shook his head and left. Once outside, he paused, taking a deep breath to keep from throwing up all over Chris's lawn.