by Jodi

I just don’t understand
Why you’re running from a good man, baby
Why you’d wanna turn your back on love
Why you’ve already given up
~..~

In retrospect, telling Lance that he'd been in love with him for years only a mere moment after he found out that Laura had broken up with him had maybe not been Chris' best move.

And maybe declaring this love a split second after Lance had sworn off love forever hadn’t been such a great thing either. But hell, Chris was nothing if not impulsive, and it had really seemed like a good idea at the time.

Chris had really only been trying to make Lance feel better after Lance had woefully begrudged his pathetic love life.

He’d looked just like a kicked puppy dog when he’d said, “I couldn’t make it work with JC, I couldn’t give Laura what she wanted…I just give up, Chris. I’m completely pathetic, and I don’t need this in my life. I’m totally incapable of love. From now one, I’m swearing off both men and women.”

Chris had snickered.

Lance had glared and added, “Watch me do it. Nobody is ever going to love me, and that’s just fine.”

“I love you.”

“I know, man. Thanks for being here to listen to all of my crap.”

“No. I love you.”

After that, Chris hadn’t really been sure what had happened. He knew there’d been a kiss, a gasp of surprise, another kiss, and then he’d been on his ass on the floor, just like he still was now, and Lance had stormed out yelling something along the lines of “how could you spring this on me now you ass, after all this time?” and the door had slammed.

“Fucker,” muttered Chris, rubbing his sore ass. “Stubborn jackass Bass.”

Well, it *had* seemed like a good idea at the time.

~..~
Tell me what have I got to do
To prove that I’m the only one for you
~..~

Chris, for his part, was extremely determined. He decided, after picking himself up off the ground, that it was all going to be a matter of getting Lance to fall for the wily Kirkpatrick charms.

Lance, unfortunately, seemed immune.

Chris figured it was a stroke of genius when he convinced Joey that Joey had a career in songwriting and that he would gladly switch buses with him so that he could learn from Justin and JC. Chris unfortunately forgot that a post-breakup Lance spent at least four days holed up in his bunk moping and screening his calls; true to form, Chris didn't see him other than soundcheck and on stage for almost a week.

After the week-long mourning period, in which Lance took to only using three-word sentences maxium, none directed at Chris, Joey informed Chris of his brilliant plan to cheer Lance up the only way he knew how.

Getting him really, really drunk.

“Plus, I know this guy. He’d be perfect to get Lance’s mind off things.”

Chris glowered as Justin replied, “I don’t get it. I mean, they weren’t going out for that long. And I never thought he seemed like he was that into her after the first week. I know they’ve known each other forever, but it didn’t seem that they were too attached, and..."

“You’re right,” JC interrupted, looking upset. “You don’t get it, J. Lance is…really complicated. I doubt this has anything to do with Laura at all.”

The others studied JC inquisitively, Chris silently begging that this wouldn’t be one of those times that JC decided to be candid about his past relationship with Lance. JC sighed dramatically. “Look, I’m just saying, that a beer and a blowjob isn’t going to solve this one, okay Joey?”

Joey looked offended. “Well, if you know so much about him, why don’t you try to help him then?”

“I tried, didn’t I?” JC replied, voice barely audible. “I’m not…it’s not me.”

The uncomfortable silence that followed was something Chris absolutely abhorred. “Well, kids, looks like it’s up to me to fix this.”

“Look, Chris, we all know about your bizarre crush on Lance, but c’mon, you are totally not what he needs right now. It’s pretty fucking selfish of you to try to take advantage of his post-relationship vulnerability."

“Justin, lay off the self-help book crap. With all the wisdom and insight I've gained from my vast experience, I know that I'm exactly what Lance needs.

Everyone in the room knew that Chris was talking out of his ass.

~..~
I’ll be taking up your time Till the day I make you realize
~..~

“Chris, if you don’t fucking leave me alone I’m going to throw you out of that window. You’ve been on top of me for like a week now, and it’s annoying as all hell! Now piss off!”

“Whoa, with the hostility, Bass. I’m just trying to cheer you up.”

“Well, it’s not going to fucking work. Get lost, I have work to do, okay?”

“Yeah, spending quality time glaring out that window. I bet that poor window has the lowest self-esteem on this bus, it’s been glared at so much...Well, maybe the second lowest self-esteem.”

Lance flipped Chris off and said nothing.

“That’s it. I’m sick of this shit. It’s been almost a two weeks. You’ve used up all your pissy celebrity snit points. Now, in case you’ve forgotten, although I’m not sure how that could be conceivably possible since I’ve been told these lips do amazing things, we kissed the other night.”

“You kissed me.”

“You kissed me back.”

“I was in shock. And all vulnerable and shit.”

“A likely excuse.”

Lance’s anger flared. “Fuck, Chris, what do you want me to say? You fucking kissed me and then to top it all off you tell me you’ve been in love with me for years out of nowhere. How dare you?”

“Well, pardon me for thinking I was worthy of Lance Bass. How ever could I have made that cataclysmic mistake?”

“Don’t you get it? That’s just it. You’re not worthy. Don’t you see that?”

Lance fled the room before he had the chance to be hit with the half-empty beer can Chris had been holding.

~..~
Why do you keep us apart
Why don’t you give up your heart
~..~

The buses stopped sometime in the night to refuel in the middle of god-knows-where Oklahoma. Chris wasn’t surprised when he heard Lance slip out of his bunk and tell the driver he was just going out for a breath of fresh air.

It had taken what seemed like forever to Chris for him to calm down. But when he looked at his watch, he realized it'd been only three hours since he'd crawled into his bunk.

Contrary to popular belief, Chris was not a bitter, unforgiving old man. Bitter, yes. Unforgiving, no. Other than Joey, he was the most likely to extend the olive branch. So what had been fury was now replaced with a dull ache of rejection.

Chris, however, was a persistent bastard when he wanted to be, and his friend, no matter how out of line he had been, was in some serious pain. Of all the things that Lance had lost during his climb to the top, his loyalty and sweet nature to his friends and family had never disappeared. The fact that he had lashed out at all stung Chris more than the words he had spoken.

Chris sighed, got out of his bunk, and threw on the nearest pair of shoes, which must have been Joey’s since they were at least four sizes too big. He left the bus, ignoring their driver’s warning that they’d be leaving in fifteen minutes with or without their precious cargo.

He found Lance across the dirt road, absentmindedly picking blades of grass. Chris said nothing, but Lance must have sensed his presence because he said quietly, “I didn’t mean it that way. I’m so sorry. Believe me, it’s not the way it sounded.”

“What exactly?”

“The not worthy thing. I meant it, just not like it sounded.”

“Oh?”

“I’m a fucking lousy boyfriend, Chris.”

“One could say the same thing about me.”

“At least you try,” replied Lance, glancing at Chris as the older man took a seat beside him. “I just…suck at the relationship thing. I try so hard at first and then I just fizzle. There’s always something I have to do, you know? A meeting or a call or an interview. Something that at the time seems far more important. I can’t make time for anybody but myself.”

“Well, maybe that’s something you need to work on. And you know, Bass, I’d gladly be your guinea pig.”

Lance cracked a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I couldn’t do that to you. I’m attracted to you, okay? Seriously, believe that. And I’m really kinda excited that you’re into me. But I just can’t do that to you. That’s what I meant before. The not worthy thing. You’re worth so much more.”

~..~
Why do you push me away All that I want is to give you love
~..~

They sat in silence for awhile, and Chris vaguely registered that they should probably be heading back to the bus.

“Why can’t you do it?”

“Why can’t I do what?”

“Make time for your significant other?”

Lance looked troubled. “I don’t know,” he replied, frustration apparent. “I only have so much, you know? I can’t give another part of myself away.”

“And you have to be perfect at everything you do,” Chris nodded, understanding.

Lance nodded miserably.

They respected the silence for a while longer, Lance picking the grass and Chris thinking deeply.

“I think you need someone like me.”

“Chris, I-“

“No. Seriously, man, think about it. I bet none of those other people you’ve dated have told you you’re being a dick until it’s too late, right?”

“I guess, but I’ve always kind of known-“

“What you need,” Chris interrupted again, “is me, who tells you straight to your face on a regular basis if you’re being a dick, to keep you in line. Think about it. It’s perfect. Fool proof. You can’t resist me, and there’s no human on earth that can ignore me. I, Bass, am your perfect boyfriend. I won’t let you push me aside.”

Lance gave Chris a genuine smile. “You’re not going to give up, are you?”

“Resistance is futile. C’mon, Lance. You know you want to. Let me help you learn to do this love thing properly.”

Lance met Chris’ eyes. “I can’t promise anything.”

Chris scooted closer and pressed his lips against Lance’s, long and sweet and full of assurance.

“I can.”