Everyone Thinks It
by Sandy Keene

~..~

Everyone thinks it's so cute to tease Justin about his crushes. Justin knows he brings it on himself. He gets upset and whines and says things like, "Guys! Shut up, stop it!" They like to bring him down a notch, make him act like the spoiled brat he never really was.

So Chris comes up behind him and says, "Justin waaaaaaaaaaants Pharell, Justin waaaaaaaaaaants Pharell." Chris's breath smells like beer and chili. It's not anything like pleasant and Justin steps away and swats behind him, smacks Chris on the side.

"Shut up," Justin says, and looks down. He tries not to whine.

"Justin likes the brothers," Joey says and shimmies against Justin's backside. Justin whirls around and backs up against the wall so people stop sneaking up on him. "I wish y'all would shut the fuck up. I don't," he says and knows it's not very convincing.

Lance kicks his foot and says, "Justin drools when he sees a Nelly video."

Justin kicks back and crosses his arms. "Do not."

Joey kicks Justin's other foot and says, "He doesn't drool, he just really really has to put his hands in his pants."

Justin kicks Joey, harder, and says, "Do not. God, shut the fuck up."

JC smiles and says, "I think it's cute."

Justin thinks about punching JC but he's never ever done that, and it would be really really immature.

Chris says, "So, they're telling me this story about how Usher, motherfucking Usher shows up at some party, private party, his shirt all open, and he's draped all over this exec. Record exec. Guy. Like he's the guy's fucking date."

Joey grins. "Good for him."

Lance says, "And you thought, man, there's hope for Justin there yet."

Justin rolls his eyes and opens his phone to call someone. Anyone.

Chris says, "Nah. Usher doesn't like us, you know. Plus, he's hardly street enough for Justin's tastes."

Justin says, "Hey, how are you, man," and the voice on his phone informs him of the time.

Justin just wants to get laid, he thinks. He wishes he had as much sex as some people thinks he's had. Britney locked her legs after those ten seconds she thought she might be pregnant a year ago and now she practically wants him to wear a condom for a fucking hand job. He lacks what Lance calls self-confidence and Justin calls "a death wish for all our careers" so he's not having a lot of one-night stands with hot guys. He gets laid about every six months these days, and then it's mostly because some guy is both really insistent and really hot.

For his twenty-first birthday, Joey hides a video under his other gifts. Black Ballin' Buddies. Justin thinks he's offended. He doesn't throw it away.

He tries talking to JC because maybe JC will stop the teasing. He's trying to explain that it's not really what they all seem to think. Not really. He says, "It's like, you know, when people do things that they're really good at, that they love, they look hot. And you can, you know, see that passion."

JC nods, and smiles. Then he says, "Which doesn't exactly explain why you get that excited vibe whenever DMX comes on MTV."

It just sucks.

Lance is actually dancing, not on the floor, but back by the bar, next to Justin. He watches Justin watching the video screens where BET is playing here in the backroom. Lance sings in Justin's ear, "Brown sugar, how come you taste good? Just like a black girl should --"

Justin shoves him and says, "That's fucking offensive, Lance. God!"

"Tell it to Mick Jagger," Lance says, laughing.

"God, come on, that's not even funny." Justin finishes his drink and stomps off.

They're sitting around a table and Lance says, "Really, I'm the one who's actually dated --"

Joey laughs. "You call that dating? Puh-leaze!"

Chris says, "No, no. See, you, Bass, you have a choreographer kink. Darren, Wade, that guy from Germany with the leg warmers, for God's sake." Lance shrugs and smiles. "Justin, he has a brothers kink."

Justin frowns.

Chris points at JC and says, "This one is all kink." JC looks down and grins.

Joey leans forward and licks his lips. He winks at Chris and says, "Guess my kink."

Chris just smirks. Joey says, "I have a Chris kink." Joey stands up and grabs Chris's hand. "Let's work on that."

JC laughs and gets up, too, walks over to talk to the road manager. Lance presses his lips together and then says quietly, "Joey has a friends kink."

He really hasn't had sex in forever. He can hear Joey and Chris next door, again, like, the tenth time in two weeks that they've hooked up. Justin wants to get laid something fierce. And he's not even dating Britney anymore, so he doesn't even get hand jobs.

He looks in his bag and hunts toward the bottom. He finds the porno Joey bought him and puts it on. He's hard, but mostly, he thinks, it's because it's porn. He's mostly gay and he has these little crushes, but it's because he admires the artist. Like JC jerking off to a Police concert video. It's not the kind of kink Chris thinks it is.

Chris says, "'I'll be good for you.' And now, from Girlfriend, we get 'I'll treat you good.'"

Justin looks up and says, "What's your point?"

Lance says, "Buy a thesaurus, maybe."

Justin throws a cup at Lance. Chris says, "It's a theme with you. Like a motif, even. Will treat you good, Justin Timberlake guarantees. Definition of good, pending."

Joey laughs. "Good means calling you baby or girl a lot. Your name is not important."

JC grins. "Are we making fun of Justin's songwriting now?"

Joey leans against the back of Chris's chair and rests his hands on Chris's head. "You're next, JC, don't smile."

Lance says, "Also, he doesn't seem to think the object of his affection is very smart. He repeats himself over and over again so she gets the message."

Justin rubs his forehead and says, "I'm trying to write hits here, okay?"

Lance walks over and kisses his cheek. "We love you for it, baby."

JC notices it first. Or JC says it first. At breakfast, he watches Chris and Joey fight at the buffet over muffins and says, "They've been doing this for a long time, haven't they? Like not, man, not long long, my parents long, I mean, like long for them. Like three months, isn't it?"

Lance says, "Yeah." Justin doesn't quite know how Lance is feeling.

Later, Justin says to Chris, "So, are you and Joey going out now? Are you like, uh, boyfriends?"

Chris shrugs and squints against the sun. They're out on a balcony of the hotel, sharing a joint. Chris says, "I guess so." He doesn't quite suppress a smile.

"So JC and then Lance and now you?" Justin passes the joint back.

Chris laughs and inhales deeply. He coughs a little and waves his hand, pushing the smoke towards Justin. He says, "Yeah, you fuck, and when it all falls apart, it's your turn."

Chris smacks Justin playfully, but Justin rubs his shoulder for a while, because it kind of hurt.

In a strip club Lance tells him. Which is about par for the course, Lance always gets to be the one to pass these things on. Lance is holding his hand, and Justin doesn't even question it. It's not so weird that they're two mostly gay guys who aren't even fucking or dating and they're in a strip club, holding hands while Lance tells Justin the bad news, whatever it is. It's weird that Justin never finds it weird.

Lance says, "They talk about you. You know? They all think you're gay and it's like, you know, not hard to guess why Britney's still a virgin."

Justin says, "She's not. We used to have sex, man." They used to go out.

Lance strokes Justin's hand with his thumb, soft. "I mean, they say these things. They think they'd just push and you'd be on your knees. They talk about you like that."

Justin says, "Not --" He can't imagine Nelly or Pharell ever saying that.

Lance shakes his head. "Not them them, but all their friends, man. All, uh, the people they hang with. You're kinda obvious about it. And it's, you know, fuck, you are who you are, you're just sweet, but. People say shit about you, man, it's just. They say these things and they joke like something's happened and they tell two friends and all their friends are in the industry and you know? You care about this, man, you want these people. To not think of you as a pretty joke. You know nothing's gonna happen and I think, maybe, you should tone it down, maybe?"

"I should get laid. I just wanna get laid." Justin knows he's whining. He should take someone home with him. He wishes he was confident he could get it up for any of the girls in this club. He sighs and Lance squeezes his hand. Justin wishes Chris weren't holed up somewhere with Joey, he thinks he'd be ready for Chris now. Too late, too late, he's always too late.

Lance says, "Look --"

Justin interrupts. "I don't want your pity fuck, okay?" Lance doesn't say anything more and Justin leans forward to watch the girls.

His days are full because it's a tour. Because it's his life. Full and happy, really. He still finds time to think about sex and how he's not getting any. He masturbates maybe too much, but it's hard, because the show and performing all turn him on. He maybe thinks about Chris sometimes, but Chris isn't even on the damn bus sometimes now, so he can be with Joey.

He maybe thinks about the Girlfriend video, the new one, because it was fun and sexy. Or he sees a video for the N.E.R.D. album on MTV and he likes it. It's not the kind of kink Chris thinks, it's because they're hot. It's separate from their friendships, it's like him having a little crush on Chris but they're still best friends.

He steals a porno from Lance that starts off with five guys in a boiler room and three of them fuck this one blond guy right in a row. Justin thinks that must have hurt but he's still kind of envious.

"You really can get laid, man." JC smiles his spacey smile and looks up from his magazine. Justin keeps looking out of the window of the bus. Chris is in the back, asleep, all worn out from his late night even though he didn't go out at all.

Justin says, "Whatever. I leave those kind of risks to Lance, okay?"

"You make it sound riskier than it is, man, you know it. Your problem is, you just think you want to get laid. What you want is a girlfriend." JC pauses. "Or a boyfriend. Whichever. But you want it for real, not like Britney was at the end."

Justin puts his head down on his arms and closes his eyes. "Whatever."

"You want someone to be good to, man." JC must have walked up behind Justin because he feels JC's hands rubbing his shoulders. Justin relaxes under JC's hands and doesn't say anything.

Miserable, miserable night. Justin rubs his face and cracks his jaw and walks back to his room. He wishes Chris were up. Or in his own room. But Joey smiles like he's got the world in his hands when he looks at Chris now. Justin knows it's wrong to hate Joey, because he really doesn't. He envies. He wants Joey to look at him like that, or Chris to look at him like that, or anyone.

He's so fucking tired and his jaw aches a little. He sits down in front of his door and waits until he feels more something to open the door.

He's still sitting there when he feels someone tap his knee. He looks up and it's Lance. Lance just got up, his hair is rumpled and flat. He says, "Hey, you lose your key or something?"

"Why'd you get up," Justin says.

"Bodyguards called me. You've been sitting out here for a while." Lance sits down next to him, not touching.

"I didn't lose my key. I'm just really tired." Justin digs in his pocket and hands Lance the card key.

Lance stands up and rubs Justin's forehead. Justin knows, he's looking to see if Justin is high on something. Justin looks up because he's sober. Maybe still a little drunk, but not anything else. The bodyguards must have thought he was high, which is why they sent Lance first.

Lance pulls him up and opens the door and follows Justin in. Justin flops on his bed and toes off his sneakers. They're really nice sneakers, he's only worn them twice. Lance is maybe next to him, or something. Lance pulls off Justin's socks and rubs his feet. He says, "Tell me about your night, okay?"

Justin says, "It wasn't. Don't get all worried. I'm just tired." Lance doesn't say anything. Justin takes off his jacket and t-shirt. "You know where I went after the show, right? Who with?"

Lance says, "Yeah." He's next to Justin now, his thighs against Justin's leg, his hand rubbing Justin's arm.

Justin says, "So. You know, we all went out and then back to this place. And we were just hangin' out, talking. And I guess we'd had some stuff to drink, and he'd had more. More than me. And he." Justin stops.

It's funny, because it's not what he would have expected of Lance. And he's not that upset, really, but Lance hugs him suddenly, a one-armed kind of hug. Which is nice. Justin says, "It wasn't anything bad, seriously. I'm just really tired."

Lance says, "Okay."

"We were just. He put my hand there, you know? He said, 'You know you want it. Come on.' And it's not like I didn't. It wasn't."

Lance says, "Yeah, I get it. I know."

Justin says, "So, um, we were just drunk, you know, and he put his hand over mine and I was happy. And I, um, you know. Blew him. And I took care of myself. I really liked it. I wasn't. I've done that before, you know, I've done it maybe more than you think I have. It was all really good, you know?"

Lance hugs him again.

"Anyway, so it was all fine. Just fine. And good. And nothing was wrong until, you know, we were done. And we were, uh, cleaning up? And he was just handing me something, a napkin, and he kinda accidentally slapped me. Not, uh, a thing. But I didn't say anything and he didn't apologize. It all felt really weird. And then he was like, okay, you better go now. He was all talking about this girl, this girl he saw, in the other room and not looking at me. And then he was like, you look tired. You should maybe go."

Lance rests his head against Justin's neck and says, "Yeah."

Justin sighs. "Do you think he'll tell?"

Lance says, "Maybe. You never know. And people always make that shit up, so, who knows really, if he tells, if anyone would believe him."

Justin turns, so Lance can hug him all the way because he wants that. Lance pulls him close, rubs his head. He just says, "You're tired. Get some sleep, okay?" and doesn't yell at Justin, which is nice, too.

Justin shucks off his jeans and pulls the covers up. Lance lies down next to him and says, "I'm gonna, okay. I'm gonna stay here, tonight. Okay?"

Justin says, "I'm really okay. I'm just tired." He still spoons against Lance and hugs him.

Lance says, "You need someone who'll be good to you, man, you don't need so much to get laid."

Justin thinks that's a good idea but easier said than done. He doesn't even know where to start, so he presses closer to Lance and tries to sleep.