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Author: Guede Mazaka
Rating: PG-13 for Sands' mouth
Fandom: Once Upon a Time in Mexico
Pairing: Sands/El, Sands/El/Carolina, ref. to El/Domino
Feedback: Yes, please. With or without the cherry on top.
Disclaimer: Not mine, for some inexplicable reason.
Summary: For the contrelamontre 'deus ex machina' challenge. What happens afterward. Done in 46 minutes.
Notes: Ref. to Desperado and El Mariachi. This is dedicated to fabu and darkeyedwolf, for their help on my origfic. Also answers the following challenges:
1. Where Sands and El will go.
2. What Carolina's reaction to Sands/El would be.
3. How to do a threesome when one of the people is canonically dead.
***
Suddenly being able to see again momentarily quenched Sands' rage.
But not for very long. Especially once he caught a glimpse of the tastefully random surroundings and figured out where he and El had ended up.
"El!" Spinning angrily around, Sands got ready to slam the other man into the nearest large solid object. "You fuckass! You got us into-"
--except that definitely wasn't a great lunk of a gun-strumming musician standing before the American. That was a petite, delicately gorgeous woman with masses of long, curling black hair. And a brutal expression. //This is for messing with my husband, you bastard.//
Her fist came forward before Sands could even think of ducking, and the next thing he knew, his head had blown out backwards, sending him toppling into familiar arms. Somewhere above the beeping cell phones circling his head, a husky voice protested, //Carolina! You look great-but wait-no-don't--//
El scrabbled a retreat, still holding Sands. Which kept his hands from making the placating waves that were obviously necessary. Desperately searching his memory for 'dealing with an angry wife,' the mariachi put on his best plead/caution face. But the shapely stormcloud continued her forward stomp, and finally, at his wits' end, El did the one thing he'd sworn never to do: he pouted like Lorenzo.
Much to his relief, Carolina stopped and laughed. //You big idiot//, she crowed. //You're still scared of me. Good.// And, swaying lusciously, she covered the last few steps and embraced him around Sands, giving her husband a deep, lengthy welcoming kiss. Which ended with a slap and an indignant squeak. //You pervert!//
"Well, if you're going to shove them at me like tha-mmmph!" Pressing his hand more firmly down over Sands' mouth, making sure he pinched the lips together so the other man couldn't bite him, El shook his head and said apologetically, //He's very sorry, Carolina. He's just a little confused. We're not used to this--// jerking his chin at the lush background //--he'll tell you he's sorry later. Um-later.//
She snorted disbelievingly, setting hands to hips. //That would be a first. Domino wouldn't.//
Sands ground his heel down on El's feet, and in the subsequent shuffle, managed to twist away. "El dated a game piece?" he asked quizzically, raking his hair back into vaguely presentable. Patting down his pockets, the American found his shades and put them on, shoving them up so they held the bangs out of his face.
"No." Carolina crossed her arms and glared at her husband. "Domino was his first girlfriend. When I first got here, she told me she should have you, because she didn't make you kill anybody."
"Wimpy bitch," Sands muttered, agreeing.
"Exactly!" Flinging her arms dramatically to the sky, Carolina began ranting as she paced around the two men. "She did too! She wouldn't stand up for herself, so she died and you-" her finger quivered as it pointed towards a cringing El "-went and started killing everybody. Okay, you wouldn't have met me if you hadn't…but I'm much better for you. I can defend myself, and I don't just pray to God and cry 'peace, peace!' when they drag out the big guns. And you married me. And you had my kid."
"Carolina…" El said slowly, reaching out a tentative hand. //I did marry you. I'm still married to you. And I'm happy that way.//
"Hey!" Sands yelped. "You are not turning me into some hippie ex-cunthole. Or I'll rip out your cojones and sauté 'em with scallions." Folding his arms over his chest, the American shot a menacing look-secretly enjoying his newly-regained ability to do so-at the downtrodden mariachi. "I did not get my ass stretched and bullet-creased just for you to go waltzing off into the sunset."
"We don't have sunsets here," Carolina broke down, sounding amused. She and Sands regarded each other for a long second, then turned simultaneously to look at El. Who stared back, horrified comprehension dawning in his mind. //Holy Mother//, the mariachi mumbled under his breath. //What the hell was I thinking?//
"So…" the other man trailed off suggestively.
//I get the right side//, Carolina declared, striding forward. Sands quickly followed.
***
//Good morning, mom. Good-Dad! You finally made it!// Snuffling out of sleep, El dodged an arm and a hip to crawl hastily over the side of the bed and embrace his daughter tightly. //You've grown//, he said wonderingly, once they'd found enough strength to let go of each other.
//Yeah?// she replied hesitantly. A sharp pair of fingertips nipped warningly at his thigh. //Yeah, you've become beautiful. Just like your mother//, El added hurriedly.
His girl beamed up at him. And then she glanced over, brows drawing together as a confused frown spread over her face. //Daddy? Why's there another man with you and mommy?//
//Uh--//
"If you call me an uncle," Sands interrupted, voice gravelly and half-muffled in the sheets, "I'll take your jackass balls."
Carolina smacked the American. //Watch your language//, she ordered, wrapping some of the blankets around herself as she sat up. //Hey, darling//, she cooed, ruffling her daughter's hair with one hand. //This is Sheldon Jeffrey Sands--//
"Just use the Sands," came a sore voice.
//--and he'll be staying with us//, she continued. //You can get to know him better at breakfast. Now go on and set the table while mommy and daddy get dressed, okay?// Nodding reluctantly, the little girl left, walking backward so she could stare at the rumpled top of Sands' head. El poked at the other man. //Food.//
"Fuck you," Sands growled, burying himself deeper in the bedding. "First time in goddamn eons we've gotten a decent mattress."
Carolina grinned saucily at her wary husband. //I like him//, she said. //Much better than Domino.//
//That's what I'm afraid of//, El sighed. He levered himself up, getting ready for another day.
***