Justin was on a mission, fetching sandwiches, and he didn't realize it, not at first. He was used to JC sitting quietly, so still that it was almost like he wasn't there until he smiled or sighed or moved. Sometimes JC didn't move for an hour and he faded into the background. He didn't move, but Justin still noticed him.

JC wasn't right, somehow. There were smudges under his eyes and the navy blanket he was wrapped up in made his eyes a strange vibrant blue. Justin stood in the middle of the bus, and watched JC stare out of the window, one finger tracing strange patterns on the glass. The navy blanket wasn't a good sign, Justin knew. JC only pulled out that specific blanket when he wasn't okay, for whatever reason.

Justin smiled, remembering the day JC found it, raving about the softness and how light it was. "It's like a spun cloud, only warmer, y'know, because clouds aren't really warm at all." he'd said.

Justin remembered how JC's eyes had crinkled when they'd each petted the blanket. He didn't think JC had smiled that much recently, and suddenly fetching a sandwich for Chris wasn't a priority. Chris was probably already asleep anyway. They were supposed to nap, Lance had said, because the night before was pretty harsh. Chris bitched, but he was like a small child, hell to get into bed and worse hell to get back out.

Justin waited for JC to move. After a minute, maybe two, because time became sticky around JC, elastic and thick somehow, Justin said "Hey, C?" and waited some more. JC didn't even look up, too blue eyes focused on something far away, fingers still tracing designs that looked almost like question marks when Justin really looked.

He walked over and tapped JC on the shoulder, expecting him to jump, giggle and tell Justin about whatever strange concept was so absorbing. He didn't, just turned to look at Justin and then swiveled back to the window. Up this close, Justin could see the smears on the glass and he said "Do you mind if I sit down?" even though it sounded too formal in his head. He thought that maybe this time JC would care, even though he didn't know any reason for JC to be upset.

"Help yourself, man." JC's shoulders moved in a barely perceptible shrug and Justin sat.

He didn't know what to say, so he stared at JC, waiting for him to go back to whatever he was doing. Instead JC just dropped his hands to his lap and looked at them, almost as if he didn't quite remember what they were. He did that sometimes, and Justin thought it was adorable, in a way that grown men shouldn't be. They'd be walking along normally, and something would startle JC and he'd look around like he'd forgotten something important that maybe he'd never known.

He cleared his throat, wondering if JC had forgotten that he was there. "You okay?" and his voice sounded tentative, surprising him.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" JC sounded curious, and he let his eyes meet Justin's.

Justin didn't know what to say to that, so he just asked "What were you doing?" because he was honestly curious. It never paid to ask JC questions if you were in a hurry, because he always took longer than expected even to answer normal questions. If he had to explain his thought processes, it could take all day. This time, Justin was willing to wait, listen.

JC looked like he was gearing up for one of his long rambles, but Justin was surprised when he just said "I was trying to remember a sunset." and dropped his eyes.

"A sunset?"

JC nodded. "It was beautiful. The moment right before it's actually night. You and Chris were playing video games, and I couldn't even hear you anymore, it was so pretty. There were clouds and they were grey over pink and this weird pale blue." His eyes looked sad then, and Justin felt prickles of worry, because JC wasn't supposed to look so heartbroken without any better reason than a sunset.

Justin knew that they all were sad at times, homesick or tired or just plain exhausted. They were guys though, and they laughed a little harder than normal then, drank too much or danced too hard. JC, though, didn't seem to care whether anyone saw his raw emotion.

That made Justin speak more softly, made it all right that he grabbed JC's hands, cold from being pressed against the glass and rubbed them until they were warmer. "Why does a sunset bother you? I mean, if it was cool, that's good, right?"

JC shook his head, staring out the window again. "I can't remember it. It's another thing I've forgotten that I really meant to remember." He smiled a little, said "I meant to paint it, but I can't even remember where I saw it."

"There's a sunset every night, C. You can paint a different one, maybe?" It seemed logical, even cheering to Justin, but JC shook his head sadly.

"I wanted that one." He pulled away, tucked his hands inside the blanket, so that only his head and one of his feet were poking out. "It's dumb, I know it is." He looked at Justin, almost like he was daring Justin to disagree.

Justin stayed silent, waiting for JC to say something more.

"I wonder sometimes, if we really remember anything." JC pushed the blanket away impatiently, hands worrying at the edge of it, picking at a thread that had come loose. "We don't have time to make real memories, and what happens if we want to remember that little shop in Iowa with the honest to god homemade ice cream? Or that kite shop in Kentucky?"

"You remember them, though? I mean, you're talking about them." It made sense to Justin, but JC was shaking his head again.

"I mean, really remember. Where it's with you, and it's part of you."

It was happening now, one of JC's tangents. The wild thought processes comforted Justin, made him feel more settled even though he never could follow JC-centric philosophy. "Well, you've got us. Between all of us, we remember the important things."

JC rested his head against the glass, looked like he was really thinking about that. "Like, we're all part of something bigger." He reached out for Justin's hand again, fingertips circling the ticklish part of Justin's palm. "There's a word for that, I just can't remember it right now."

"I dunno. But I think we're it." Justin smiled back, when JC grinned, suddenly happy again.

"I forget that too. That there's a reason why I'm so happy here, mostly."

Justin leaned into him, remembering again why it was worth taking the time to listen. JC forgot sometimes, how much they loved him, even though he was strange and sometimes unintelligible. Justin didn't mind reminding him, not when JC unwrapped the blanket and draped it over both of them.

He slept there, forgetting Chris's sandwich, lulled by JC's hands stroking soft across his hair.

~end~